"Discover How A Hurt Woman Surviving Years of Emotionally Draining Relationships, Found the Keys to Stop this Pattern At Once, Creating a Healing Relationship Safe from Emotional Neglect,
Fulfilling Her Dreams of Happiness "

And How You Can Follow The Exact And Specific Steps To Heal The Scars Left By Past Attacks, And Transform Your Relationship — Without Having to Cry, Yell Or Beg!

 

From: Nora Femenia, PhD
Author of "The Art of Positive Conflicts"
Fort Lauderdale, FL
Monday, June 08th

Dear Friend,

I was recently sitting next to a couple in a restaurant, close enough that I could hear the man’s voice. Not that it would have been difficult - he was yelling so loudly, hearing his nasty words towards the woman was unavoidable.

Her eyes grew wide and she bowed her head in sheer embarrassment. She knew that people were watching, and was totally overwhelmed by his criticism. His angry words were relentless. He unleashed his stream of cruel verbal abuse on her as if he was her lord and master.

As he got more agitated, he slapped the table and his face went red. This was clearly spousal abuse, I thought, looking at her terrified face. Just as I decided that it was time to intervene, he jumped up, grabbed her by the arm, and dragged her out.

It was a heartbreaking scene. If I could have transferred a piece of my soul to her, lent her some of the skills I’ve learned, I would have done so in a heartbeat.

You see, I was once in her situation. I experienced the pain and loneliness of being abused by someone I loved; someone I thought would take care of me, if only I tried just a little bit harder. When I couldn’t please him, I took it out on myself, even though he did that for me anyway. I accepted the mistreatment, imagined that I deserved it.

Slowly, my spirit weakened. Without the resources I’ve discovered over time, I would have continued to live in that same debilitating cycle, never escaping. Thankfully, not only did I save myself (by learning how to handle emotional abuse in a healthy way), I learned that I could help save others, too.

Here is a story I've received from my friend Liz: After she married, my sister moved to a new town six hours away, with her new husband. Time passed. I hadn’t seen her in ten months, and our phone calls were getting less and less frequent. I didn’t think it was cause for worry – I was certain she and her husband were doing well. I went to visit her. I rang the doorbell, and received a long silence. Where was she? The car was there. I knocked and waited, and finally she opened the door. I stared. Who was this woman? She was a mere shadow of my sister, a pale shaking ghost blending into the doorframe. “Liz, you are here!” she said. Shocked, I realized it truly was her. I reached out and embraced her, and she began to sob. I took her to the couch and got a good look at her. She appeared ten years older than her 28 years; her hair hung limp and dirty around her shoulders, her eyes were sunken. I could tell she had been crying. “Ann,” I ventured, “what’s wrong?” This is what she told me. “I’m so ashamed of myself; I didn’t want you to find out! You were so proud of me, but I’ve failed. I’m so stupid; I don’t deserve your attention anymore. Please, leave, and don’t tell mother you saw me.” Stunned, I pried the rest out of her. She said that her husband John is always telling her what a lousy, stupid woman she is, how she can’t do anything right. “I finally realized that I’m a total failure, he was right all along! But it’s too late now… he’s ready to leave me! Dread settled in my stomach as I started to realize what was going on. What concerned me most was that Ann, my intelligent, resourceful young sister, was actually blaming herself for this whole situation! Angry, I asked, “Where is John now?” She looked around furtively as if he was listening through the walls. “He went to buy his beer, but he’ll be back any minute. Please, you have to leave.” Leaving my sister alone in this house to deal with that man was the last thing I wanted to do. I pressed Ann to tell me the whole story, everything that had happened since she married John. She looked down and I forced her to look up at me. "At first, he would make nasty jokes about me to his friends… they would always laugh at me, saying I would poison them all with my lousy cooking. Then, when I complained about their jokes, he got furious and began yelling at me! He said that I was trying to cut him off from his friends.” “From that day on, the sarcastic and negative comments began. He humiliates me and screams at me for the littlest things, whether other people are present or not.” She explained to me that she tried desperately to please him, waiting on him hand and foot, and sometimes he would be pleased and show her a little affection. I could see how much she longed for those little crumbs of love that he dropped for her to scrounge on. Then she began to cry again, saying that this time was the worst yet, he had gotten so mad that they hadn’t spoken for days. She had been lying in bed, sobbing, wishing to die so she could escape the torture and guilt that she felt. I’m not a professional, but seeing Ann, it became clear to me that even the strongest, most resourceful spirit can be crushed under certain conditions: humiliation, constant critique, cold-shouldering, and isolation from human contact. With those as her constants instead of love and care, the lovely Ann had wilted like a flower in the desert. I couldn’t leave her like this, withering away under his intensity. I stroked Ann’s hair and said, "Do you remember when we were children, there was that time we got lost in the woods, and we were so scared of not making it back home?" I felt her smile a little. “Of course… you took my hand and told me that as long as we look hard, we’ll find the way back in no time.” “We can help you find your strength again in the same way, Ann. Bring me your wedding pictures.” She went to a drawer, got the album, and handed it to me. "What Do You Need Them For?" I began selecting pictures, wishing with all my heart to show her the person she had been... radiant, secure, beautiful Ann. She needed to recover herself! “Look at this bride Ann. What do you see?” Ann hesitated. “She looks happy,” she said. I nodded. “Is she looking to the future, or worrying about the past?” “Looking to the future…” Ann said. I smiled. “Doesn’t that hope and joy make her beautiful?” Ann smiled back at me, her eyes getting brighter. “That woman is still inside you, Ann. She’s been sleeping for a little while, but all you need to do is wake her up, and she’ll be ready to love herself and live her life with joy again. I can help you with that.” I saw life flame in her eyes again, and she didn’t seem as withdrawn. Then she sighed. “I remember that woman, Liz. I know I can be that again. But what can I do? I’m still so afraid of being alone. He will leave me if I don’t do what he wants.” "You are still thinking like a prisoner, Ann. You have many opportunities ahead of you, and you don’t have to be alone. Let's take it one step at a time, okay? We’ll go out into the sunshine and find a nice place to have lunch. We’ll make our plans. And anyway... don’t you think that if he leaves you, he’d be doing you a favor?” She laughed, and I could tell she was surprised that she still could. Over lunch, Ann and I talked about our parents. When we were growing up, our father treated our mother like John did Ann. We thought it was normal, that all parents had that relationship. Since our mother never defended herself, we never learned how to do so ourselves. It was no wonder we both easily fell into the abuse and guilt trap! Ann considered me and asked, “If that’s true, how come you know how to help me? Where did you learn about emotional abuse and defending yourself?” “It’s been a long process, Ann, but I’ve learned a lot. I did a lot of reading. I found one e-book in particular that helped me tremendously; it’s about how to identify and react to every kind of abuse. What I learned is that you can have two responses when you are abused. You can feel overwhelmed, victimized, and distraught, taking the whole load onto yourself; or you can remember that you have resources, and use them.” My sister looked interested, so I went on. “One of those resources is your sense of injustice. That gives you access to your anger, your righteous resentment of cruelty. Of course, you can’t be depressed when you’re angry. When you aren’t depressed and feeling sorry for yourself, you think more clearly about how to defend yourself.” “That e-book showed me that I have a right to be angry at anyone harassing me and trying to oppress me with emotional attacks. I found my strength to react and defend myself! I feel so much stronger for it, Ann. I want you feel that same strength, and know you don’t have to be afraid anymore. She met my eyes, and in that moment, she was lovely and sure of herself again. “Tell me more,” she said.

Are you the target of abuse?

If you are, all of these things that affected Liz and Ann may sound familiar.

Besides the shock and terror you may feel at being in a threatening situation, you probably feel very surprised. How did it come to this? The person you thought you loved and loved you back is pushing you into a corner, saying nasty things, and fixing you with a stare that turns your blood cold. That isn’t a normal marriage feud.

The instinct many abused people have is to immediately blame themselves – accept the punishment and try not to make “mistakes” anymore. This isn’t the answer for self-empowerment, because it continues the abuse and keeps you submissive. However, returning aggression with aggression is not healthy, either. You deserve a relationship built on love and support – not a power struggle.

Many look at this idea and think “I can’t. I’m not strong enough.” It can be very hard to overcome the low self-esteem that comes from being abused. You are constantly being put down and humiliated, sometimes you may feel like you want to sink into the cracks in the floor and disappear. Maybe the mere thought of your partner’s anger, their muscles straining as they yell at you, fills you with dread.

Fear of being harmed is understandable. However, if this reduced self-esteem of yours is due to the idea that you need to be patient and understanding of his yelling, we need to talk.

We need to break down some misconceptions about a woman’s role in a relationship. When you were little, you were probably taught that little girls are sweet, understanding, and should aim to please everyone. If you weren’t making yourself useful and staying out of the way, you were made to feel there was something wrong with you.

Well, I'm here to tell you that those ideas are wrong!

The silver lining is this: if a mindset about women being subservient can be learned (from your family, in this case), the opposite framework can also be learned. That mindset says you are equal and deserve respect – you don’t have to accept abuse, you can reject it.

However, rejecting abuse is just one facet of the problem – you also have to teach the abuser that new mentality. Driven by my own history of being abused, and the stories of other abused women, I searched for an answer to solve both the abused and the abuser’s mindsets. I found wonderful books and philosophical works, but very little to suggest which change steps could be done.

 

This reflects the sad truth that there is always a gap between the concepts you read and the emotional growth that needs to happen inside you. If you never find the right resources for help, you could end up resigned to being the diminished scared person that the abusive man wants as his companion.

       It Doesn't Have To Be This Way!

So how did I find a solution? I spent a good part of my life collecting success stories.  These are stories where you can see the person rising up to their own defense, building their own skills and their own life - one founded on trusting their own feelings and ideas. These women discovered ways to manage the controlling and abusive situations they found themselves in, as well as identifying and avoiding those situations before they occur.

 

For a long time, my friends have been listening to my stories about these strong women and saying to me: "You have to write a book... You have to write a book..."

So that's what I did. I've taken the time to write down everything that I've learned and discovered and put it in a plain, easy-to-understand language. A good friend of mine showed me how to publish the book online and make it available to you for instant download.

What you get is a compilation of not only advice and steps to take, but real stories about real women taking a chance and changing their lives for the better. It is my hope that in reading my book, you will feel empowered to take your future into your own hands and stop abuse in its tracks.

 

“The Tao of Anger: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships” 

You may have already tried usual response to an anger attack: “Be patient and the problem will go away.” The trouble with that response is that it is merely temporary. The anger slowly fades away, only to resurface an hour, a day, or a week later when something sets it off again.

Whether you need help identifying abuse, stopping it, or just need to feel inspired by other women’s success stories, this book will be your guide.

You will find that its pages are full of original ideas, all backed by years of personal psychological research as well as my own real experiences dealing with anger attacks. Some of it was learned the hard way, but most truths are. You won’t find this kind of information in any other book – I guarantee it.

 

“The Tao of Anger: Recovering From Emotionally Abusive Relationships” Learn The Step By Step Process To: Identify the early signs of an anger attack, so you can either leave the room, the situation or make the right defensive behavior; Recognize the impact of your past negative mental framings, which might be attracting or at least tolerating, your husband's wrong actions; How to protect yourself and your children from the emotional onslaught of an anger attack without restrain; Be ready to transform the relationship with a new covenant with your partner, including healthier rules of interaction;  How to re-create some fundamental perception of yourself as worthy of love and respect; and of your significant other as worthy of being respected, if the right reconciliation steps are implemented.

     This Information is only available as an 'Electronic Book'... which means that you can download it and start learning these secrets immediately— right from the privacy and comfort of your computer...

Yours to keep, no matter what you decide!...

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